Flipping the Script: How Doing the Opposite of What You Feel Can Actually Save Your Sanity

Ever feel like your emotions are driving the car and you're just the confused passenger screaming into the void? Same sis. That's where opposite action comes in—it's like emotional judo. Instead of letting fear, anger, or sadness boss you around, you do the exact opposite of what that emotion is telling you to do. Sounds wild, right? But trust me, it's a game-changer.

In this post, we’ll unpack what opposite action is, why it works (even when it feels weird), and how you can start using it in everyday life—whether you're resisting the urge to ghost your group chat, scream your head off, or cancel yet another gym session.

What Is Opposite Action, Anyway?

Opposite action is a DBT skill that invites you to do the opposite of what your emotion is pushing you to do—if that emotion doesn’t fit the facts, or if acting on it would make things worse. Feeling like hiding under a doona because you’re anxious? Opposite action says: get up, go outside, make eye contact with your barista! It’s not about faking it—it’s about shifting your energy and behaviour so your brain starts to catch up.

Why It Actually Works (even though it feels really stupid)

Our emotions are deeply tied to how we move, breathe, speak, and behave. This connection is called embodied cognition—the idea that the mind and body are in constant conversation. So when we shift how we act, even subtly, we’re essentially giving the brain a new message to respond to. For example, studies in affective neuroscience show that facial expressions and posture can influence emotional state. When you smile, even if you’re not “feeling it,” your brain may release small amounts of dopamine and serotonin—the feel-good chemicals. It’s not fake happiness—it’s your brain reacting to a new behavioural cue (Ekman, 2003; Strack et al., 1988).

Opposite Action works with this principle. If anxiety tells you to hide, and instead you stand tall, breathe deeply, and face the situation—your nervous system begins to shift. Your amygdala, which triggers fear responses, starts to quiet down as your prefrontal cortex (the part that helps you think rationally and plan) kicks in. You're literally rewiring your brain's emotional response by changing your behaviour first.

So no, it’s not “fake it till you make it.” It’s “act the way you want to feel, and let your brain catch up.” Behavioural psychology calls this behavioural activation, and it’s been shown to reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety (Jacobson et al., 1996; Mazzucchelli et al., 2009).

Everyday Examples (just try it)

• Sad? Feel like staying in bed all day? Opposite action: shower, wear real pants, call a friend.

• Angry? Want to yell or slam a door? Opposite action: take space, punch a pillow, go for a walk.

• Anxious? Thinking of cancelling plans? Opposite action: show up (even if your brain is giving you a full-blown TED Talk on why you shouldn’t).

• Feeling rejected? Tempted to scroll your ex's Instagram? Opposite action: text a safe person, do something that boosts your self-worth.

But What If I Don’t Wanna?

That’s the point. Opposite action isn’t easy. It asks you to notice your feelings, honour them—and then gently challenge them. It’s not about suppression. It’s about choosing how you respond, rather than being dragged down by the emotion.

Not Every Emotion Needs an “Opposite”

Here’s the thing: not every emotion is irrational or overblown. Sometimes you’re not overreacting—you're just reacting. If someone crosses your boundary, disrespects you, or your child is being genuinely treated unfairly at school? Feeling angry, hurt, or protective makes total sense. That emotion fits the facts.

In DBT, we talk about the difference between emotions that fit the facts and emotions that don’t (or are exaggerated because of past pain or current overwhelm). Opposite Action is only helpful when the emotion doesn’t match the current reality—like when anxiety shows up and screams “danger!” even though you're literally just a girl trying to find command strips in Bunnings.. That’s when acting opposite (smile, walk in, ask for help, breathe) can reset your emotional GPS.

But when an emotion does fit the situation, the goal isn’t to push it away—it’s to honour it and channel it wisely. For example, anger can be a powerful signal that something needs to change. My favourite thing to say in therapy, is that often the anger is the part of us that has self esteem, and that part is not happy with whatever has occurred. The skill here is expressing that anger in a way that respects your values and doesn’t sabotage your goals. That might mean calmly setting a boundary, speaking up with confidence, or walking away with your dignity intact (then quietly flipping them off when you get back to your car).

This is where a values-based approach can come into play. Your emotions become information, not instructions. You get to ask: “Is this feeling valid for the situation? What does it tell me I care about? How can I respond in a way that lines up with the kind of parent, partner, or person I want to be?”

Opposite Action isn’t about suppressing or shaming your emotional responses. It’s about knowing when to challenge your instinct—and when to lean in with wisdom. That’s you wise mind!

Final Thoughts: Feelings Aren’t the Boss of You

Opposite Action helps you remember that while your emotions are absolutely valid, they’re not always the wisest life coaches. Think of Opposite Action like your emotional GPS saying, “Recalculating route…” Not because you’re wrong, or broken, or lost—but because there might be a smoother way to get where you’re going that doesn’t involve burning bridges, 6km of traffic, or a flat tyre. Ya see what I mean?

This skill doesn’t ask you to ignore your feelings (you’re not a robot), but it does ask you to pause, check the emotional map, and say: “Okay, this feels intense. But is there a way I can act that’s more aligned with how I actually want this to go?” Spoiler alert: the answer is usually yes. Opposite Action is how you turn down the volume on your emotion’s megaphone and turn up the part of you that wants peace, connection, or even just to get through the next five minutes without yelling at your partner or quitting your job via email because Kathy had a rude tone in her “per my last email”.

Next time a big feeling shows up, pause and ask: 'Is this emotion steering me somewhere helpful?' If not, try one small opposite action—you might just surprise yourself.